Things that are Tuesdays with Morrie

Tuesday’s with Morrie has been on my “To-Read” for a while now. I finally listened to it, and it was such a good book. I kept thinking what he was saying about dying and how it can be related to infertility. Plus Morrie had so much good to say.

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I’m going to touch on 9 things that he talked about in the book and how it relates to infertility:

We deserve love

In the book:
-He talks about giving love and letting love come into our lives.
-He talks about how we think that we don’t deserve love.
-Levine said “Love is the rational act”.

The Take Away: We need to be able to deserve love, and to be able to give our love freely. Loving ourselves when we are battling such a horrible disease definitely needs to be #1 on our list.

We don’t need to feel sorry for ourselves

In the book:
-Not allowing any more self pity than a few minutes each morning for tears.

The Take Away: Morrie said, “a little each morning, a few tears, and that’s all.” We don’t need any more than that! We don’t need to be in a funk all the time. Life’s too short to be down and gloomy all the time worrying about our problems, and dwelling on them. Feel sorry that we are battling this for a few minutes each day, then move on with our day.

We don’t need to regret

In the book:
-Culture encourages us not to regret until we’re about ready to die.
-We’re too involved (family, career, paying the bills, not having enough money, etc.) just to keep moving forward.
-We need to stand back and look at our lives and ask “Is this all? Is this all I want? Is something missing?”

The Take Away: We shouldn’t regret the decisions we’ve made, even if they were the wrong ones. The decisions we have previously made helped get us to where we are now.

We need a family foundation

In the book:
-Family is our foundation.
-We need love and support and caring concern that we get from our family.
-Love is important.
-There is no substitute for having children.
-You learn how to love and bond with children.

The Take Away: Isn’t that what we’re after is to have a family of our own? Though there may only be two people in the family at the moment, we are the love and the foundation for our future family.

We need to detach from our emotions

In the book:
-Let emotions penetrate us fully – then we can detach from them.
-Detachment allows you to pull yourself from an emotion.
-Throw yourself into the emotion – immerse yourself in the emotion, accepting it fully, then you know what the emotion truly is.

The Take Away: We need that detachment from our sadness and grief, so that way the emotion doesn’t consume us all the time. But first we need to learn how to let those emotions associated with infertility consume us, so then we can detach from it.

We need to give up the desire to want more

In the book:
-Owning things is good, more and more is good.
-You can’t figure out what is truly important anymore.
-People think that owning things will be a good substitute for love. 
-Cannot substitute things for love because the things don’t love back and they aren’t gentle or tender.
-Giving is what makes Morrie feel alive.
-Serving others (talking to people, smiling at someone, doing kind things from the heart).
-Serving others won’t make you envious or jealous of someone else.

The Take Away: Having stuff is good and fine, but like the Beetle song says, you can’t buy love. But having stuff is NOT a good substitution for the love and desire for children.

Marriage is Important

In the book:
-It’s important to find a loving relationship with someone.
-You get tested in marriage; you find out who you are and who the other person is, and how you’ll deal with the trials you encounter.
-In marriage you need to respect the other person, compromise, talk openly with each other, and have common values; if you don’t then you’ll run into trouble. 
-Need to believe in the importance of your marriage.

The Take Away: Being married and going through infertility is hard. There are lots who are tested through infertility, and you either grow closer as a couple or fall away from each other. But remember what Morrie said, you need to respect the other person, you need to compromise, you need to talk openly about what goes on between you, and you need to have common values.

We Need Forgiveness

In the book:
-Forgive yourself and then forgive others.
-Shouldn’t get caught up on stuff that you wished would have happened.
-Forgive ourselves.

The Take Away: Forgiveness isn’t just a one time event. It’s constantly reminding yourself each day to forgive that person who has wronged you, even if that person is yourself. Forgive yourself for being the one that can’t get pregnant. Yes, I’m talking to you! I know you feel bad, so stop feeling bad and forgive yourself each day.

There is Love After Death

In the book:
-Death is a natural part of life.
-Morrie said it best: “As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on-in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.”-The Thirteenth Tuesday we talk about the perfect day 

The Take Away: For those that have miscarried, focus on the love of the creation of that baby. All the love you created is still there, they are still in your memories, and because of love, they will always be in your memory. So remember to focus on that rather than on the fact that they aren’t here with you.

Quotes used came from the 1997 copyright of Tuesdays With Morrie.


What are some books that have really touched you?

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