Things that are Second Hand Infertility

I’m sure you’ve heard of “secondary infertility” which is the inability to conceive after birthing other biological children. Today, I’m talking about “second hand infertility” similar to second hand smoke, but with infertility.

Second Hand Infertility is defined by your parents seeing you struggle with infertility, while their friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc. become grandparents. Your parents are unable to do anything to help aside from praying and financially helping. They, like us, are silently grieving and wishing and praying that they get to become grandparents one day.

Here’s how it is affecting us

Chase and I are the oldest on either side of our families. We both come from very small families. I have a brother and sister, and Chase has a brother. None of which have children, and only recently did Chase’s brother get married.

Both of our parents struggled to get pregnant at some point. Chase’s parents had several miscarriages before they figured out the cause (low progesterone) and were able to finally stay pregnant with him and his brother. My parents struggled with secondary infertility after having me, and I’m 7 and 11 years older than my siblings.

So both sets of parents can somewhat relate to our struggle with infertility, because they themselves struggled.

When we first started trying we were quiet the first couple of years because, like most infertiles, we thought we would get pregnant quickly. When it didn’t happen after 2 years, we eventually told our family that we were struggling.

Around the time we told our parents, they started seeing their friends kids become pregnant. They started feeling discouraged and saddened when they would see pregnancy announcements and even being invited to baby showers. At first they were happy for their friends, but then they started grieving and praying that they would eventually get to become grandparents.

Though I can’t say it was easy for us to watch them grieve while we dealt with infertility. But I think they realized how big of a blessing grand babies are after our struggles.

Do you know anyone that has struggled with second hand infertility?

P.S. Don’t forget “Keep Calm and Pineapple On” Shirt on ETSY!


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