Things that are Second Hand Infertility

I’m sure you’ve heard of “secondary infertility” which is the inability to conceive after birthing other biological children. Today, I’m talking about “second hand infertility” similar to second hand smoke, but with infertility.

Second Hand Infertility is your parents seeing you struggle with infertility while their friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc become grandparents. They are unable to do anything to help aside from praying and financially helping. They, like us, are silently grieving and wishing and praying that they get to become grandparents.

Here’s how it is affecting us. Chase and I are the oldest on either side of our families. We both come from very small families. I have 2 siblings and Chase has 1. None of which have children, and only recently did Chase’s brother get married.

Both of our parents struggled to get pregnant at some point. Chase’s parents had several miscarriages before they figured out the cause (low progesterone) and were able to finally stay pregnant with him and his brother. My parents struggled with secondary infertility after having me, and my sister and I are 7 years a part due to that.

So both sets of parents can somewhat relate to our struggle with infertility, because they themselves struggled. When we first started trying we wanted to be parents and give our parents the opportunity to become grandparents. We were quiet about trying the first couple of years because, like most infertiles, we thought we would get pregnant quickly. When it didn’t happen after 2 years, we told our family that we were struggling.

Around that time we told them, they started seeing their friends children become pregnant. They started feeling the same feelings we were feeling when we would see pregnancy announcements all over social media. At first they were happy for their friends, but then they started grieving and praying that they would eventually get to become grandparents.

Though I can’t say it was easy watching them grieve while we struggled. I think it helped them realize how big of a blessing grand babies are and appreciate them more than the typical grandparent.

Do you know anyone that has struggled with second hand infertility?

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