Book Review: Becoming a Calm Mom
I was browsing the Internet/Pinterest sometime before Kason was born and I came across this book called “Becoming a Calm Mom.” I felt like it was something I needed for me in my life. I was worried I would be frustrated with a newborn and upset with how things were going to be from here on out.
I’m one to be uptight almost all the time, can’t take a joke or understand a joke, etc. so this book was a must for me to read. Over the years I have slowly started changing how I react to people/situations. I also think that taking the hypnobirthing classes and doing daily relaxations helped me to not be so uptight and stressed during pregnancy. Chase commented on a few occasions that I seemed a lot less stressed out, which helped me feel I was on the right path.
In the book, Deborah teaches you to be a calm thinker, a calm communicator and to be your own behavior therapist. To help you in potential non calm situations that may arise. Like a crying baby on an airplane while passengers are giving you dirty looks. Or to help you interact with your spouse when it’s 3am and you are short with each other due to lack of sleep, etc.
Some things that stood out to me are:
Not focusing solely on the positive as a mom. Because some days are just rough. She says: “Women don’t want to be judged negatively by others… women don’t want to admit to themselves that motherhood is an enormous challenge.”
Then goes onto saying: “New mom’s also may experience a great deal of guilt if they do not feel blissfully happy every day, particularly if having a baby was a challenge.” -After so much grief and heartache trying to get those babies here when we aren’t happy every day (when we feel we should be happy because we finally beat infertility) causes us to be a bit more depressed.
She says: “Obviously, it’s important to make sure your baby’s needs are met before you focus on yourself. But remember that taking care of yourself often rubs off on your baby.” -I am constantly reminding myself that if I take care of myself, even if it’s making sure I stay hydrated, eat or exercise then I’m rubbing off on him and he’s blessed because of it.
“Babies should complement your life, not complicate it.” -We live in a society where kids are known to complicate our lives. We aren’t able to do things that we once were able to before the birth of a baby. Yes that is true, but I’m sure there are good people who you can trust to watch the baby for a few hours so you can get some “me” or “date night” time.
“Avoid Avoidance. Many new moms avoid going out because they are afraid of how they will deal with the inevitable crying infant. The problem with avoidance is that it can bring on other problems – loneliness, isolation, boredom, and a feeling of ineffectiveness if nothing gets done besides caring for the baby.” -I also think that avoiding public places and staying inside can bring on depression. If you are happy then you’re baby will be happy.
and since most of us worked before being successful at getting pregnant, “It is best to enter this new stage in your life expecting that being a new mom is going to be the hardest job you ever had. When reality matches your expectations- or when reality turns out to be better than your expectations- you will feel much better than if you had set yourself up with goals that are simply impossible to meet.”
Overall, reading this book was probably one of the best decisions I made before Kason was born. I am constantly reminding myself to breath, and calm my mind. I think there was more stress and frustration between Chase and I in deciding on how to do things rather than Kason himself.