How to Keep the Spark Alive During Infertility
Our relationships with our spouses can suffer while going through infertility. We get stressed out because of finances, because another co-worker got pregnant, family, the list can go on and on. Because of that stress, our relationships can suffer. I’m giving you 5 tips on how to keep the spark alive while traveling the windy road of infertility.
This doesn’t mean that you should get takeout, stay home, and watch Netflix every weekend for date night. What I’m saying is call your spouse and ask them out for Friday. This could be dressing up nice and going out to your favorite restaurant, renting a hotel in a different city for the weekend, or just going to see a movie. There are lots of options for date ideas, and lots that are pretty cheap and don’t have to cost a lot of money (lets be real, fertility treatments and adoption can cost the price of a small used car). You need to feel like you are still in love with each other and not just roommates. A lot of good ideas can be found on The Dating Divas and Pinterest.
Talk weekly or monthly about the much needed items in your relationship. Talk about Finances, What’s coming up this week, How you’re doing as a couple, What projects you want to work on, etc. Having those crucial conversations help make sure you are on the right path together. Make sure there aren’t any other distractions (TV, friends over, babysitting, etc). These check-ins need to be about communication, which is so important during this trial.
Just because you haven’t been successful at getting pregnant, doesn’t mean you should put everything on hold for that “what if we’re pregnant” moments. Stop thinking “what if we’re pregnant on this vacation” or “how far along will I be when we’re at Disneyland.” If you’re pregnant while on vacation, great! Your life doesn’t need to be put on hold while you are going through infertility. Take the time to go on those vacations, and be able to relax and enjoy life together as a couple.
Finding something you both enjoy can be a challenge if your likes are completely opposite, but it can be done. If you enjoy running/exercising but your spouse doesn’t, then maybe try walking or going for a hike. Something to ease them into it. If your spouse really loves movies, but you don’t, then maybe go to a play or a concert. Finding something you both enjoy is a must when you are going through a hard trial like infertility. Having that solid ground of enjoyable things, can help when the world around you seems to be falling apart.
Talk to each other about your future and how you want to raise and teach your children. Do you come from a religious background? Do you see other parents treating their children differently than you want to treat yours? Talk about that, and make sure you are on the same page. It’ll seriously help when you finally get that baby home and you feel you have no idea what you’re doing. Set yearly goals as a couple. This could be anything from a savings goal to reading marriage books together. Talk about what you want to do when you retire. What things do you want to do several years down the road. This is about dreaming together. Do you want to become a millionaire at retirement? What future vacations do you want to go on? Remember to dream about your future together as a couple and plan it out.