Things that are NIAW: How to deal with Church
If you don’t go to church, totally fine! I think a lot of what is talked about in this post can still inspire you on how to deal with others in social settings.
Dealing with people in your church congregation can sometimes be challenging if you haven’t been vocal about your infertility journey.
Most of the time, their intentions when asking “so when are you gonna have kids,” are good, but we don’t see their action (their question) as good. Their actions are often hurtful because they don’t understand what is really going on.
An example from my own life: I was being taught by two sisters who come to my home, visit with me every month, and leave a short spiritual message. When they first come over we chat for a little bit, and I was expressing the difficulty we had been having in getting pregnant. Then, one of the sisters said “Well, you should relax and it will happen.” First off, I didn’t let her finish, and I held up my first finger in an attempt to stop her from saying that. I then said “studies have shown that relaxing doesn’t help with infertility.” It was hard for me to control myself and not get upset because I was frustrated, but I listened to my heart tell me that I needed to teach her.
Here are my 5 tips on how to deal with church:
• Sometimes you have to play it by ear on how you are going to react to their comments.
• Teach those who ask hurtful questions (“why don’t you just adopt”, “when are you gonna have kids” questions) about growing your family, and infertility. Most often they know someone who has struggled with infertility or miscarriage, but don’t necessarily know how to talk to them.
• Reach out to those in your church congregation and get to know them. Making an effort to get to know them and their families will help when you need a listening ear or a friend to take you to an appointment.
• You’ve heard the phrase “it takes a village to raise a child,” well, “it also takes a village to get pregnant with a baby.” Embrace them and love those who are willing to help.
• Remember to love them as Christ first loved us. They are human, and they make mistakes just like you and me.
I would love to know things you’ve said to help teach others about infertility.