Traveling into Infertility Alone
When Chase and I were a few years into our infertility journey, we felt like we were traveling into the depths of infertility alone, with no one to relate to. Mainly because we didn’t know anyone that was currently struggling with infertility.
Chase and I had a group of friends that we fit into, and when the wives in our group got pregnant within a few months of one another, we then felt left out. We couldn’t relate to them because we were still waiting for our own children.
After that, we then knew we didn’t have a good support system. We didn’t have anyone to talk to, and the friends that we did have didn’t fully grasp the pain that infertility brought on. It’s hard to get by day-to-day, when you can’t talk to anyone about the pain you feel in your heart. At the time, I didn’t know there was such things as “infertility support groups,” online or in a local group setting.
Though we may all be in different phases of our infertility journey, we can all help one another.
If you are needing some encouragement battling your infertility journey alone, here are my 7 tips to help you while you travel through infertility.
Turn to God
You may or may not be Christian, or Religious, but even if you believe in a higher power please hear me out. You will be able to find peace and comfort with praying. It may feel that God has left you, but He is asking you to take a step into the darkness, and to trust in Him. With stepping into the darkness, it may be scary at first, but you will gain that faith and in return God will offer his comfort through others or through a feeling you get while praying. One quote that I have loved is this.
Just keep moving forward
Life seems to move on even if we don’t want it to, and it will continue to move on whether we want it to or not. I love the quote from Finding Nemo, when Dory would always say, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.” It’s a great reminder that we just need to keep on keeping on. Some days will be hard, and some days will be good. That is how life is, and we just need to move forward. And with that said…
Don’t put your life on hold
I first started telling myself things like “if I got pregnant now, I’ll be 6 months along when its time for me to race that half marathon” or “if I get pregnant this cycle, I’ll be 4 months along when we go to Alaska, do we really want to go?” I realized I might not be pregnant, and I didn’t want to waste all these years of marriage sitting around waiting for something to happen. That is boring, and really hard emotionally. I decided that, If I was 8 months pregnant and running a 5k, I would do it (and I did do it). What I’m getting at is don’t put your life on hold expecting to be pregnant. Because once you get pregnant you then have 9 more months of waiting to meet your little miracle, and you will most certainly want to live your life during that special time.
Ask friends for what you specifically need
Friends have good intentions more often than not, but those friends are also trying to live their own life. Their good intentions may be “I don’t want to burden her with me asking how she’s doing” when in reality that’s all we want. We want to feel like we belong, that friends care about us. Friendship is a two way thing. Asking for what you specifically need, whether that is a text once a day to see how you are doing TODAY, or having a girls night out to get your mind off of the two week wait. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness it’s realizing you aren’t Super Woman and that you do really need support.
Remember that this too shall pass
While infertility may take you years to overcome (adoption, living childless, etc), it will eventually pass. A running friend on Instagram has told me several times that now her kids are growing up she doesn’t remember infertility, she has different trials now, and her infertility has passed. It will eventually happen. I’m not saying tomorrow or next week, but it will eventually not be so burdensome.
Stop being negative
Infertility is hard. Going through it for 7 years was hard. A couple of those years I was bitter at everyone for being pregnant or having babies. It was so hard to deal with going to church or being on Facebook, and I complained A LOT. I wrote about it here, but I finally turned to God, and that helped me not be so negative anymore. Being bitter and negative and angry will only drive those that love and care for you away. It is completely fine to have bad days. But if you are constantly negative and complaining, no one will want to be around you (I know from personal experience). A way to get all those negative and hurtful things out of our system is to write in a journal. Have a separate journal to write all of your anger and frustrations. Then once infertility is over, burn the journal. It’s healing to burn it and let it go.
and Find your Tribe
I heard a saying to “find your tribe and love them hard.” Find other women, through social media, online support groups, or in person support groups, and talk with them. One of my close friends introduced me to one of her friends who happened to be going through infertility too, now we are great friends and we have a lot that’s in common. It also feels so great to know you aren’t alone in going through infertility. So get out there and find your tribe!
What has helped you not feel so alone while traveling through infertility?
P.S. Check out my Etsy shop for my Infertility Awareness Shirts!