Our Journey Isn’t Over
Over the past year, I haven’t shared any part of our infertility journey. I kinda wanted to not share anything and to just be off the grid, slowly hide myself from the online community and not share anything too personal. Why? Read more to find out.
It has been a blessed 19 months, and has been the best thing for me to not think about trying to grow our family again.
At the end of 2017 I asked Chase if I could have all of 2018 to run, exercise and just be me. I felt so lost and alone while traveling infertility, and I wanted to find out who I really was because I had felt so consumed by it.
When November/December of 2018 hit I started getting anxiety, depression and I started getting angry a lot. One night during that time I was really down and kept thinking “You aren’t enough,” knowing full well that those thoughts were not coming from me. I finally (after a few times of this happening) texted a good friend for some therapist recommendations because I was tired of feeling like this. I was even taking supplements to help boost my mood, which didn’t feel like they were helping.
I tried hard to figure out the cause of anxiety and depression. After doing a lot of thinking and praying I finally figured out that the reason I was feeling those emotions. The main reason was because we were going to start trying for baby number two in January, and that of course was bringing back all the feelings.
It also seemed like during the past year all our friends were getting pregnant and/or already pregnant and those feelings of infertility loneliness started to creep in. Chase and I both started feeling left out once again. I also felt I couldn’t share my thoughts and feelings with my friends in real life or online. And I felt I couldn’t share that we were going to start trying, mainly because my family follows me and I didn’t really feel like sharing to the family that we were going to be trying again.
So why am I still sharing if my family is going to now know? Because if I can help one person who’s struggling with infertility or loneliness, or feeling like they aren’t enough, then I’ve done what God put me here to do, which is share my story.
So, here’s what we’re doing:
We both decided that we will not be doing IVF again. That was too hard emotionally and physically. I also feel that IVF is sometimes (not always) a bandaid for other issues that are really causing the problem.
So instead of IVF, if we aren’t pregnant on our own in a few months, I will be going to see a NaPro clinic in SLC, and be getting Mercier Therapy done by my friend Kelsey. She is a licensed practitioner and has already seen success with those that’s she’s worked on. But until then we are supplementing, praying, and trying to enjoy the journey once again.
P.S. Don’t forget to check out my Etsy Shop! I’ve been adding a lot of new stuff, including socks.